November 29, 2004 Frozen Again & What I Really Want Is Chocolate! Got a flat 17 miles from home today up by Slide Creek. Oh boy, and it was only 30 degrees. My fingers were too cold to fix the flat and I forgot my tire irons. I just forgot to put them back in the bag where they belong. They’re with my MTB stuff. Oops. So, I just threw the flat wheel back on, put some air in it, froze my fingers some more with the CO2 cartridge and was on my merry way. Yes, I had to sing myself songs to make it down the mountain, speeding along at 11-16 mph so that my rear wheel wouldn’t skid out over the icy pavement. As the snotcicles formed, I just wanted to lie down and take a little nap on the side of the road. I made it to my friend’s house, Pat and Jeanne on McKenzie River Dr, and oy, I was so glad to find Pat there to give me a lift the rest of the way home, ‘cuz I wasn’t looking forward to anymore highway miles in the dark! Did I mention it was 5:30 by this point and dark’n hell? And where is home? Lately, McKenzie Bridge. Where am I going next? Little warm weather atmos in Tucson is in order I reckon. Day 2 on the getting serious about the diet thing went well. Got a little weigh-off going on. No cheating, although I feel like a piece of chocolate at the moment…11pm, mmm, time for bed then.
	November 28, 2004 C’mon Get Serious Girl! Ok, not drinking another Corona ‘til Christmas. Man, the diet thing is tough. Punkin’ pie and ‘woop cream, ice cream, nuts, truffles, and Holy Guacamole, I got my ‘xcuses and 5 extra lbs to show for. Hmmm. Today is the real deal. Only 3 donut holes, that was my bad for the day. But that was after riding 4 hours, 75 miles, and doing 2500 feet of climbing in 34-degree weather. Toes frozen once more. But it was purdy riding from Rockaway Beach to Salem along Hwy 101 and on 22 east, except all the damn traffic. Just as it started to get foggy and REALLY cold about 15 miles from Salem, I was picked up by my coach and family to continue onward. Was nice, warm car, and all…Mongolian BBQ for dinna.’
	November 25, 2004 Gobble Gobble Last night one of the locals upriver celebrated receiving his first social security check by treating all the other locals to dinner and drinks. I got 2 words to say:  Oh my.
	November 20, 2004 Snow Tracks On the mountain bike today I went up over Horse Creek this time staying straight ahead and over to Cougar Mountain Reservoir and Hwy 126 for the last few miles home. I knew a 4-hour ride at most, the first 2.5 uphill. Oy! My lower back. It was the coldest on the bike that I have ever been.  I could not feel my toes or hands, snot glued to my face, my chin so cold my face was frozen in grimace. I was sure I was losing a finger or toe. Going downhill was twice as cold and I couldn’t feel my hands to brake before heading over the washboards and around the corners.  One time I almost lost it completely. But I had seen half dozen or more cars so I knew if I flew into the cliffs, someone would at least find me. All I can say is HOLY GUACAMOLE AND THANK GOD FOR EARMUFFS! I was so glad once I was in the door and in the warmth of the bathtub. But honestly, the beauty of the ride makes it all worth it. Knowing the view behind me was changing as I climbed the ridge, I would keep looking over my shoulder in disbelief of what I saw…I’d shake my head and say in my out loud voice “this is so rad!” The Three Sisters snow-covered, brightened by the fall sun, the sky so blue. Oregon is so awesome! Heading over the logging roads and up in elevation to around about 4000’ ft, the snow got deeper (toes got colder) and the wind blew sparkling sunlit snow crystals off the trees. All my longer rides are solo efforts. Alone time is a good time to think. Sometimes I find myself hashing life or coming up with new sponsor ideas for instance. So, there’s something to do later, sending emails to complete my thoughts.

 

	November 19, 2004 Start Where You Are Something is missing from my life; well maybe lots of things are missing. Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose. Like you’re standing on the edge of something deep, looking where? When darkness falls can’t get to sleep at night. When sleep finally comes, it comes hard and dreams are aplenty. From this place in time all you can do is start where you are. Images weaken as the days go by becoming long forgotten memories. Sad that as the older I get the more forgetful I am, maybe just selective in remembering things, things to do, things I’ve done. Is that why I keep making the same mistakes over and over again?  Yesterday’s 3-hour endurance ride along the McKenzie Hwy was brutal. Log trucks screaming past at 65mph kicking up muck and yuck, the rain coming down steadily and 40 degree temperatures. Doing standing intervals in the rain, not seeing where I am going, wind whipping as log trucks stray into the shoulder only to brush with the chance of meeting fate being sideswiped, a sure way to die and not entirely safe I’ve come to realize, but whatev. I kinda just go about my way thinking it’s my time when it is my time. How many points do I get for that, Becky? :-)  My back is giving me pain so I woke up grumpy… while it’s not a choice of course to be in a bad mood it is at least entertaining trying to figure how to dig outta the rut and stop hiding from my moods. I’m not the only crazy one. Does stress just sometimes get the better of me? I am surprised that I am not deathly sick sometimes. Skipped the squats today and the bent rows and most of the upper body as I once again look as though I am in training for a bodybuilding contest. All I need is a good massage. In fact, I now have in my possession a very nice lightweight professional traveling massage table that I traded a good friend for bike parts. Not that I couldn’t use the cash, I feel I can at least put this table to use offering the locals a chance to meet my hands. Maybe I could just make a little on the side giving back rubs. I kinda like the idea of working it and the challenge of making people feel good. That is what I am all about; doing things for people and making them feel good. Although, it may not be apparent, I’m really not dishonest, standoffish or coldhearted.  I’m the one to bear my soul, or bury it.
	November 14, 2004 Solitude The last few days have been something of a sleep-fest with my mental exhaustion finally catching up to me. Waking, eating and sleeping some more, working out, reading and spending my weekends in solitude up river searching for originality and an inner change of direction, a reorientation, a turn with no audience. Waking up in the morning thinking of the dreams that spoke to me, dividing from reality. The beautiful dreams illustrating and validating life’s stories. I want to wake up to “I was blind, but now I see.” One of these days. Off to do the chores:  stock the wood shed, make chili, maybe bake some bread. Ahh, the off-season…when there’s down time, time to relax and bake bread!
	November 4, 2004 A Place So Holy   Today we Oregonians were truly blessed with one of the most beautiful fall days in recent memory. I took the opportunity to ride my mountain bike solo through the Willamette National Forest up Old Foley Ridge across and up to Rainbow Falls, places I have never been. The winds of last night were gone but left its trace and as I made my way to the lookout point, I felt like I was discovering the most holy trail on earth. After a mile or two and some single track I threw down my bike and made my way across the cliffs. The Three Sisters were snow covered, the sky so clear, fall air so crisp, the view so spectacular, an unforeseen image…forest uncut spreading far and wide on all sides of the canyon...a deep well. What I saw looked more like a painting and brought me to tears. Must have sat there a good 20 minutes searching for the ending of a sadness in my heart for all the trouble I have caused. Reckon I need a nap now. Oy. 3 hours on the MTB feels like 5 hrs on a road bike. It was chilly too, frozen toes and fingers, nothing new. Took it outta me. Tomorrow: run/hike/lift or sumthin' like that…