December 30, 2004
I Plead the 5^th

Fifth wheeler that is…my ‘lil home away from home up river. This is where it’s at. This thing is a HOUSE on wheels, holy man!

Song titles that have caught my attention since listening to satellite TV…it’s really SIRIUS. B-I-G… So you wanna Dip It Low, Drop It Like It's Hot Over And Over cuz Baby It's You. no, no! wait! You’re The One…

Yes, and I suppose innocent until proven guilty. Guilty of eating more than my fair share of Swiss chocolate that my friend Jeanne passed off to me cuz she could tell I needed it. Pushed me out the door without a chance to leave some behind. Here’s my biggest problem:  I am overindulgent. It’s either all or nuthin. There is no half ass, and if there were, I’d feel like shit about it. This is what gets me in trouble. Least it’s just temporary (but I ate the whole thing). My friends call me a closet chocoholic. I’m not hidin’ nuthin… um, yeah…

Rode 4 hours in the rain today along the 126. Avg watts: 175, Avg HR 142. The Powertap gives me something to look at and that’s about all. Training with power is a mind trip. I like it for intervals when if you look at only HR you’re wastin your time. Did Eddy Merckx train with these gizmos? Was a pretty feel-good day on the bike really except the saddle sore and right hip nagging me, on and on it goes on that silly hip of mine. Can’t pinpoint when this started hurting me. Did I break my leg and I don’t remember? Never broke a bone anywhere at anytime. I know backcountry skiing always was troublesome to that hip. It’s a mystery. Maybe a little warm weather will soothe my discomfort. This I know. Except a friend just relayed to me that they’ve been getting “crazy, crazy ass winds and storms” and those were her words, so it can only be temporary too, right?

It’s past midnight again. Do I ever go to bed early? It’s a different style of life, life of style livin in the styx. I live in redneck USA. Lotsa GW fans that’s for sure. So I keep to myself about most things.

Looking at the stars and they are shining bright and it’s brrrrrrrrr cold by the raging river. Pretty awesome to be right on the McKenzie. It sounds like a waterfall out there it’s flowing so fast. I’m feelin’ lucky.

T, you could appreciate “lucky.” These stars are shining for you…

Happy New Year!

December 25, 2004
Merry Christmas To All & To All A Good Night!

Will things soon become clear? Will I regain focus? I need one tall order of willpower so I can quit eating so many Xmas goodies. I know, it’s the holidays but I sure think that if my coach saw the way I have been eating the last couple of days she’d fire me for sure! I can’t hide nothin’ from her. Ah well, it’s good that someone can keep me honest.

Christmas day was about watching movies with the family and eating leftovers, sleeping in late, talking to myself, going to bed early, and trying to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made.  My mom told me things about for better or worse and I just keep on thinking about those words and those vows I made, and trying to live with my choices. So many things are actually for once in my control and I can’t figure out how to steer this damn ship. Talking to myself again…

I hear we might get some snow up river. Good for riding, uh huh, NOT! The other day in fact I found myself in a heap out in the middle of nowhere, 15 miles from civilization, in the woods, in the snow, twisted over my mountain bike and so sure I broke my hip and was gonna freeze to death cuz no one would ever have found me…such drama. Should be more careful I reckon…that damn snow was hard to ride in!

So, hopefully the snow will bring me to a daylong backcountry adventure in the next week. ‘Bout time we get a little powder in the mountains. Been a bit out of season for lack of snow. I’ve been a little out of season I reckon. I’m used to riding my bike more. Seems now all I do is whine about how cold I am. And I hate complainers. No more. Zip it!

Been doing a turbo TT workout every Friday of late and let me tell ya, what a nice reminder of pain. I think I need to slobber on my top tube a little more and make it really count while I lose about 4 lbs of sweat in a half hour! Get tough sister, and maybe find a little more of that aforementioned focus!

Funny thing sittin’ here on my bed in my old room in the same house I grew up in, staring at my senior photo. Looks like I’m about 13…my eyes were sparkly then and I didn’t have a big mole on my forehead. Must be photo touch-up airbrushing or something, um yeah. Just not getting any younger is what I suppose.

Life could just keep passing by without making a name for myself. Is that why I have chosen to pursue cycling? ‘Cuz I always wanted to be a winner and knew I could be someday? I have my high school affiliates to thank and many others I reckon for believing that I’d make an impression sometime in my life. How great remains to be seen. All these dreams that keep me going are all I have really.  I can, at least, call them mine. My own.

December 22, 2004
Blue Christmas

Elvis Presley says it all quite the way I like it. It’s also a holiday for kids who are all jacked up on candy and getting milk and cookies ready for Santa. Holy night. Such a time and I still get sucked in every year, spending money I ain’t got buying presents for my 3 family members and 2.5 friends. Ha! That was a joke… Oh dismal days. On a happier note, yesterday was the beginning of winter when the days start getting longer, the Winter Solstice. Now that’s something to celebrate!

I can’t remember training in the cold so many consecutive days, so I went ahead and booked my ticket to San Diego, where I read, it’s also unseasonably cold. Hope it warms up by January 5^th. On the run again but I reckon it’s what the heck pros do, spend a coupla weeks doing some warm-weather long-days of riding 5 hours and working up to those moderate to hard intervals, comin’ out rockin by March 5^th. I got my sights set.

I have to admit though, I got it pretty good. Just need a little directional flow. Routine checkup. Reality check. 1-2-3.

Last but not least…it’s all about the bike…I want to announce my new team for 2005! I will be riding for the Subway Professional Cycling Team under the direction of Rene Wenzel. We’ll be riding Fuji bikes, and we have a strong group of chicks, good mix of characters and character. I’m really looking forward to the days of racing on a winning team!

December 8, 2004
Could It Rain Any Harder?

Oregonians can count on it raining until May. This past week we’ve had snow and so I rode the trainer for a couple hours in the shed yesterday. I plan on doing the same today since it has rained about 2 inches in the last few hours and I just can’t bear wet, cold feet again until I get my front fender installed. I realized yesterday sitting on the trainer that this really isn’t that hard. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed at the amount of focus I have in contrast to the times when I seemingly flail in my routine and my thoughts of something else. I realized, HR at an average of 162 for 2 hours, that bike racing gives me what I need and that whatever I do, it entails the bike in some fashion.

Planning out your life is not easy. I always find it better to have a plan than to meander through hoping that what I become was what I had envisioned. Having the best-laid plans aren’t always easy choices but at the least there’s always a choice to be made and once you “become” something you’ve achieved greatness. But simply being great gives way to complacency so the more goals I can set for myself the better. Something I need to do more of, come to think of it….

Pause.. 

I try to find the answers to everything, like a little kid always asking why things are the way they are. It must have taken me 1:45 to get into the groove on the trainer today. So funny, the days can swing so radically. Yesterday I was amped from start to finish with lots of extra energy to stock the woodshed, clean house, etc until I bonked my head so hard I must have given myself a concussion. So, I ask why, when I forget to eat, get no sleep, and run on adrenaline, caffeine and a small chocolate bar that I have a good workout? Funny thing life and the daily routine…